Childcare
Anonymous User
Baby Nurse: Pros and Cons
Lots of friends who are expecting have asked me if it’s worth getting a baby nurse so I figured I’d share my experience here in case it’s helpful for others. We had two boys, two years apart, and we had a baby nurse for both. Our first child was born deep in the pandemic and our parents and families were on the other side of the country so we essentially thought of a baby nurse as a paid substitute for family help with none of the baggage that family can bring. We loved our baby nurse so much so that we wanted her to come back when we had our second baby. She was the first person we told when we found out that my wife was pregnant because you’ve got to lock the good ones in early! There are basically three main benefits:
-with our first we literally had zero idea how to take care of a child. She showed us everything. How to soothe the baby, give him a bath, clean the area around the umbilical cord, sterilize bottles, change diapers, put him to sleep, sleep training, nursing/pumping tips etc. So basically instead of having to dive into the deep end, you get a life preserver.
-SLEEP! The baby nurse takes care of the baby at night so parents can sleep through the night. I cant even begin to describe how helpful this is. Lack of sleep causes so many problems: increases chances of post-partum, you feel like crap when you are sleep deprived, you get delusional and irritable, you pick fights with your partner over irrelevant stuff. So getting a night nurse can help with your sanity.
-Free time: having another person who you can hand off the baby to so you can do whatever - staring at your phone, taking a shower, eating a meal, sleeping is so helpful
Some of the drawbacks/risks:
-It’s really intimate. Someone who you don’t know moves into your home when you are the most vulnerable. If you really value your privacy and are super particular, this could be a big downside. I’ve heard lots of stories about people getting rid of their baby nurse after 24 hours
-It’s so $$$$. You’re basically setting money on fire. But you know, for a good cause. This is really only an option if you’ve got a lot of disposable income or saved up. There are alternatives that are lower cost, like family or post partum doulas that can help out on a less intensive basis. Or if you’ve developed really good friends, now’s the time to spend that social capital and ask for favors. But they probably wont stay over for a month or more and dedicate all their time to your baby.
-As the dad it took me longer to learn some of the basic skills. It was nice that I had someone who could show me what to do, but that often meant doing things for me, which made things a bit harder when she left (but MUCH easier when she was here). So I was kinda like the adult man at the pool wearing a life vest.
Anyhow, my two cents. Obviously, everyone is in a different place, financially or with family and other support systems so the decision is super personal. So in sum, taking care of a baby right when you get out of the hospital is really really hard and having a big support system in place is essentially. Whether you pay for that support or rely on family or friends is really up to you. Curious what others think!
Anonymous
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@Anonymousa good writeup on baby nurses!
Anonymous
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I am one of those people that hired help postpartum and then ended our arrangement after the first night 😬
I was SO worried about the newborn phase and I insisted on getting a postpartum doula. I felt SO weird with someone in my house overnight and with my baby. The sleep we got that one night was amazing, but it didn't feel worth it for us personality. We did still pay her for the full commitment but we felt better just cutting our losses than continue with something uncomfortable.
However I really wish we had planned some built in support around the 2-3 month mark. Like, all of a sudden she couldn't sleep in loud, bright spaces anymore and wake windows got longer right as the adrenaline of being new parents was wearing off. We don't have a ton of family support and it's so tough!
Anonymous
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@AnonymousThat sounds like a really hard/intense decision to make right after giving birth 😮 but good for you for doing what felt right and honoring your commitment.
Anonymous
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We thought quite a bit about doing a baby nurse but ultimately decided it wasn’t for us. I’m a private person and that was the biggest consideration. I’m not going to lie, it’s been tough. But my partner has been super supportive and we’re slowly getting the hang of it. So no regrets here.