How to deal with a 2.5 year old bully

😇behavior

Anonymous User

1 month ago

I have two sons. One is 3.5 and the other is 1.5. Most of the summer they’ve been with our nanny hanging out at the park with a group of other nannies and kids around the same age. The other day our nanny was sick so I took the boys myself. What I saw was honestly kinda disturbing. My 3.5 year old was in one of those little toy cars and another boy kept smashing the roof of the car and spitting in my son’s face . My son kept telling him to stop but he didnt. I tried giving the kids space to work it out but it kept escalating. Eventually a few other boys joined in, smashing the car and spitting too. Even my 1.5 year old, who usually just follows along, started participating. At that point I stepped in and broke it up. It just felt like some lord of the flies shit. Here’s where I’m struggling. I want my son to learn to stick up for himself but we’ve always told him no hitting. Watching this play out made me wonder if there are exceptions. Would a smack have made the other kid stop? When I asked my son what he thought he should do next time, he said “maybe I should just get up and give the car to him.” That broke my heart bc it’s not the message I want him to learn. It was his turn and he had a right to use the toy. I do plan on talking to the other kids parents but I’m trying to figure out what lesson I should teach my son. How do you raise a kid who doesnt become a bully but also isnt a doormat for bullies? Where’s the line between telling your child not to hit and also giving them the tools to protect themselves? Would love to hear how other parents have handled this.

Anonymous

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1 month ago

Hi! Mom of a very fiery (sometimes aggressive) 3 y old here. I’ve always found fighting fire with fire just amplifies the flame - the angrier I become, the more she does too. What I have found works (if she hits) is saying - ‘We do not hit. That is not acceptable behavior, even when we’re angry. I’m going to remove my body now so I can keep it safe.’ Then physically moving a foot or two away from her. It doesn’t always resolve the situation in the moment but I think it teaches a longer term lesson around bodily autonomy (aka remove yourself if you need to) and has more impact than me reacting with aggression.

Anonymous

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1 month ago

Yeah that was my instinct as well. But after talking more to our nanny about it, I learned that the boy does it everyday to my son. And I also learned that he used to do it to another boy. And at some point that other boy got angry and smacked him back, and the little bully got scared, and stopped doing it to him (and moved on to my son). I know the boys parents quite well and I’m not actually worried about the boy - he just had a baby brother and is processing. It just feels like the lesson for my son that he should 1) verbally stand up for himself 2) remove himself from the situation isn’t working. It’s like he’s doing all the right things and it’s not enough. I really don’t want him hitting kids. Also my son doesn’t have a self esteem issue. And he has no problem asserting himself. Anyway, not really a very easy situation.